


someone come and save my life; maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides.

by haaaveyoumetted



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 21:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5759284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haaaveyoumetted/pseuds/haaaveyoumetted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>poedamerccn said:<br/>#8 or 9 and finnpoe!!! omg</p><p>8. things you said when you were crying</p><p>9. things you said when i was crying</p><p>title inspired by sleeping sickness by city and colour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	someone come and save my life; maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides.

_In. Out. In. Out._

These two simple words had become Poe’s mantra. Whenever he felt on edge- which was far more often than it had ever been- he had to remind himself to breathe. But no matter how much effort he put into focusing on keeping his breathing in check, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had to keep his guard up.

He was safe, back on the planet he considered his home- but it just wasn’t _enough_. Taking a few deep breaths, he continued navigating his way through the halls he had come to know so well.

He was constantly haunted by the memories of his encounters with Kylo Ren; the way he was able to weave his way into Poe’s mind to bend and prod at whatever he needed to, to get what he wanted. Poe wasn’t force sensitive the way that Rey, or General Organa, were or the way that Finn seemed to be. He couldn’t block out or control any of it, he couldn’t fight back, and it was getting more and more difficult to pretend he was actually sleeping at night. Poe knew that sooner or later he was going to slip up, and they were all going to figure out that he wasn’t okay.He needed to find an anchor, something to pull him back and keep him afloat, and fast.

He felt his heart rate speed up, the sound of it pumping echoing in his ears. There was either too much blood flow too fast, or not enough; his breaths were shortened, coming more and more quickly, and he began to feel dizzy. Reaching out blindly towards the wall next to him, he tried his best to find something to support his weight until he could steady himself. After a minute or so passed, Poe was able to make his way back to the quarters that has been assigned to him. A small sigh of relief slipped passed his lips as he entered and closed the door softly behind him. He collapsed onto his bed the minute he was close enough.

Exhausted and feeling disoriented, Poe buried his head in his hands and fought against the stinging behind his eyelids. A soft knock at his door caused him to tense up. He didn’t want anyone on the base to see him like this.

“Poe? Are you in, man?”

 _Finn_.

Poe shot up from his sitting position, quickly scrubbing at his face, trying to appear as normal as possible. He took a few deep breaths and cleared his throat before replying.

“Yeah, come on in buddy!”

The door opened and Finn’s ever-present smile lit up the room; and then Poe watched it slide right off of his face, concern evident in the younger man’s eyes as he eyed the pilot up and down. “Poe..? Are you okay?”

“Yeah- yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit worn out. Training all the new crew members has been taking a lot out of me”, Poe replied, hoping he was playing it off a hell of a lot better than he felt like he was.

Finn took a few steps into the room and sat next to Poe on his bed. “I can imagine. It’s a lot of work, whipping the new ones into shape. That, I do know all about”, he said with a small smile.

Poe just nodded, trying failing to swallow the lump forming in his throat.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Finn spoke again, softly, “If you ever need to talk, you know you can talk to me, right?”

And that’s ultimately what broke down the last bit of resolve Poe had. His vision blurred and he inhaled sharply, burying his head in his hands. He felt the room closing in on him, as breathing in became more and more difficult with each passing second. His chest felt like it was being compressed by piles of rocks, or blocks of cement, pinning him down and leaving him feeling completely helpless. Alone.

“Poe? Poe?!” Finn slid off of the bed and knelt in front of Poe, gently placing his hands on the older man’s arms.

Finn’s voice sounded like it was under water, like it was muffled and entirely too far away.

“Poe! Poe, listen to me. You’re okay.”

The pilot put all of his concentration on listening to Finn’s voice, using it to ground himself.

“Just breathe Poe. In, and out. Slowly. There you go. It’s okay.”

_In. Out. In. Out._

He didn’t want Finn to have to see him like this, to have to deal with this. It was all _just too much..._

“ I’m here, I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? You mean so much to me. Come back to me.”

_...until it wasn’t._

Poe felt his chest loosening, and slowly the haze was fading away. Before he realized what was happening, he was taking deep breaths. He felt Finn’s hands gently covering his own and tugging them away from his face- asking permission in a way, to be let in. And Poe let him. Finn silently wiped away the tracks of tears left on Poe’s cheeks, keeping his other hand covering Poe’s where it rested on his knee. For a moment, the two just stared at each other. The silence was peaceful, calming, and never felt like it needed to be filled.

Finally, Poe spoke. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Finn asked, confusion evident on his features and in the way he tilted his head slightly.

The corners of Poe’s mouth twitched up in a small grin. “For being you.” He began, pausing to collect his thoughts. “For being here. For saving me, every time.”

Finn glanced down where his hand was covering Poe’s and tried to shrug it off. “I-..”

“You mean a lot to me too, Finn. I don’t know where I’d be without you- I probably wouldn’t be here at all. And..without you, I don’t think I’d want to be”, Poe finished, swallowing thickly. He hadn’t meant to say quite that much, he hasn’t even realized he felt that much- and now it was out there. There was no taking it back.

Finn felt his face heating up, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from where it was locked with Poe’s. “Yeah?”, he asked shakily, clearly very uncertain.

“Yeah”, Poe replied in almost a whisper, afraid of what would happen to the moment they were having if he spoke too loudly; if he allowed himself to believe fully that it was happening.

“Poe, I-....”

Neither of them could tell you who moved first, but when their lips finally met, Poe felt the weight lifted off of his shoulders completely and moaned softly into the kiss. He brought his free hand up to grasp the back of Finn’s neck, as if he needed to hold him in place. His other hand was laced with Finn’s, his thumb pressing soft patterns onto Finn’s hand.

_Finn. Finn. Finn._

**Author's Note:**

> on [tumblr](http://poedamerontho.tumblr.com/post/137587463497)


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